Tag Archives: life

A Weekend of Change.

30 Mar

Well it’s Friday. I’m about ready to go buy some Debrox for my poor clogged up ears.  Since it’s overcast today I’m taking Bouncy Buns to the park. I have the cutest video of him talking with Reavera. He’s getting so vocal. I think we have a chatterbox in the making. Now if we could only get the teething under control. I think I’m going to buy Teething Tablets for him since he doesn’t really like a teething ring at the moment.

The weekends are depressing nowadays – especially since Reavera works the weekends now.  The weekends are when we get The Pickle. On Saturdays and Sundays I spend most of the day alone with him. The Pickle doesn’t enjoy those times. He won’t interact with me, or come out of his room. When I talk to him I get ignored. It’s frustrating because I’m in no place to really say something to his mother. Or at least that is my understanding. I’m going to try another attempt to shake up things with him. I’m either going to make homemade playdough or homemade watercolor painting. Since the farmer’s market is getting ready to open up (next week actually!) I think it’d be great bonding time to go to the farmer’s market together. He believes fruits and vegetables only come from a grocery store. It would be a great learning opportunity to find out where fruits and vegetables come from.

I’m not going to give up with The Pickle. The odds may be stacked against me but I’m not giving up.  I love him too much to do so. I’m going to continue to try to give him balance between playing outdoors, doing activities, and occasionally playing video games. Iit’s very difficult to get him to do something outside of playing a video game or sitting in front of a television for hours.

It’s nice outside. It’s time for him to enjoy the weather. There are more things to life other than a video game or television.

Vlog!

24 Mar

The Elephant in the Room

22 Mar

I need to get this off my chest.

My pregnancy: I hated it. It was one of the worst times in my life. I was miserable, sick, I ended up almost dying because of a stupid tornado, my labor was horrid, and the first week postpartum felt like hell.

I’m dedicating today as a confessional. If you are a family member or friend that may be easily offended I’d recommend not reading.

Confession #1 – I dreaded having a boy when I found out the gender. I just knew Bouncy Buns was going to be Emma. I was carrying high, his heartbeat was fast, and friends just knew it was going to be a girl. I hoped to be apart of Team Pink. I wanted to go shopping together, play dress up, collect dolls, and cover our home with pink & glitter. Well.. we know how that went. I spent a month after I found out the gender crying. When I saw little boys I thought of “misbehaving”, “attitudes” and only wanting to play video games & watch TV. It doesn’t help when The Pickle can come over he’s a very reserved little guy – he likes to keep to himself & only play video games (which there’s nothing wrong with him being reserved. At the time my emotions were out of control). Even to this day I feel awkward around The Pickle because he’s a boy. What do I do with a boy who’s already set on what he wants to do and doesn’t want to hear from some woman who’s entered his father’s life? My dreams of having someone I could relate to faded away. As the months went on I finally accepted that my dreams of a girl would have to be reserved for next time. When I look back now I realized my feelings were natural. My son means the world to me.  He is so much fun. I can’t wait until he gets older. I might not be able to do the dress up or go shopping together but I’m going to try to do lots of arts & crafts with him.

Confession #2 – I was upset people who said they were going to visit me didn’t. I get it now that life happens, but it really hurt me at the time. When we ended up finally getting our own place again after the tornado I had so many friends who said they would visit me. Out of all of them I only had two people do so. Only two. Only one person outside of my parents visited me after Wiggle Man was born. Just one. Let me be frank: My viewers and friends online have seen more of my son than people I know close. Oh well. I hope I can make local friends soon or even better maybe the ones who I care for my visit. It’s just a thought.

Confession #3 –  I’m really irritated at the people who told me I was going to get gestational diabetes. I had multiple people in my life tell me I was “destined” to have gestational diabetes because of my size. I won’t deny that I’m a plus size girl. I want to be healthier but I appreciate my curves. Not every plus size girl develops gestational diabetes, and not every “skinny” girl doesn’t have to worry about getting it. Gestational diabetes happens because your baby’s placenta is making your pancreas overwork. It doesn’t mean your diabetic. For the record the people who told me I was going to get it: Yeah, you’re right I DID get it. But guess what? I’m a lot healthier now than what I was before I was pregnant. I consider gestational diabetes as a blessing as much as I hated having it.

Confession #4 – I regret not being able to breastfeed. This regret is only because of personal choice not because I think one is better than another. Nothing went right with my pregnancy. I had complication after complication.  All that I asked to go right was for me to be able to breastfeed. Did that get to happen? No. The odds were against me. There are people in my life who told me I wouldn’t be able to do it. I even had a nurse while I had my stay in the hospital tell me it’s going to be too difficult for me to be able to breastfeed because I have large breasts. I asked for a lactation consult to help me, and I was ignored. The icing on the cake of it all: My son was taken away from me during one night of my hospital stay and fed formula by the nurses without my permission. The answer I got back when I complained: He was getting formula when using the nipple shield anyways. That wasn’t the point. I wanted to have that bond with him. It was all downhill from there when I ended up with an epidural headache. I could not lift my head up without being in excruciating pain which left me not being able to pump, or breastfeed. I get my son is healthy and happy on formula.  My biggest let down from the entire situation is I felt like I gave up. I’m disappointed in myself. I never had maternity photos,  newborn photos, a nursery for him, or even a baby shower. I at least wanted to give him nutrition from what my breasts were meant to do. I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore because of not being able to breastfeed which is good.  I understand it’s the past now. My son is a happy healthy chunky baby.

Confession #5 – I hate being considered one of those moms who need medicine to function. I was forced to go and get help by my family. I was so overwhelmed with being a mother, and the aftermath of everything going wrong I was trying to find a way out. Nothing went right, I wasn’t getting any sleep and I felt so inadequate as a mother. If I didn’t have the support I did I probably would have died.  The Wellbutrin is helping me be able to focus again.  I can look back at what I was doing and realize it wasn’t right. I only hope one day I can be weaned off of anti-depressants.  I don’t like having to need help feeling better. Why can’t I do it on my own?

Confession #6 – I should have never let myself be talked into getting an epidural. Again, this is a personal choice. I stand neutral between those who are for and those who are against them.  I was in labor for 21-22 hours before I finally gave in and had an epidural. Did I mention my labor included pitocin and magnesium sulfate? My original plan was to have an IV of pain killers. My OB, my husband, and a nurse told me it was silly to not have an epidural because I was afraid of side effects. They all said I would feel better. It took multiple attempts to get the epidural in. One of those times a blood vessel was hit. Another time they hit nerves that hit my legs. The epidural may have made my labor progress rather quickly but if I knew what I was going to go through I wouldn’t do it.

I’ve been holding those confessions back for a very long time. I really hope I’m not alone in thinking some of the things I do. If I am, however, I won’t be hurt.  If anyone relates or felt like they had a horrible pregnancy I’d love for you to take the time & reply.

Now on a different note – I reached 100 views for Wednesday & 200 Twitter followers yesterday!  Hurray! Thank you everyone for reading my blog. I am in the works in getting product reviews & giveaways started (in other words I’m contacting companies in hopes they won’t think I’m crazy for wanting to review their products because I have a small viewer base at the moment). If anyone had some suggestions of some companies they would love for me to review let me know.

 

We have a hostage situation, folks.

18 Mar

Bouncy Buns was very clingy today.

In fact, he was SO clingy he demanded to be coddled. Any time he was set down he’d cry. When I made any attempt to talk with him instead of the smiles & coos I usually get I was treated to dirty looks & raised eyebrows.  He also decided he wanted to eat every hour.

My name is Desiree and I survived being held hostage by an 11 week old baby from 9:00AM until 5:00PM.  It’s 8:00PM and he finally fell asleep about an hour ago. THANK GOODNESS. It is days like these where I usually end up crying my eyes out because I can’t comfort him. Thanks to the Wellbutrin, however, I can handle the situation a little bit better. You should have seen me before the Wellbutrin. Before we figured out Bouncy Buns had reflux he would cry all day, shriek through every feeding, then proceed to throw up everywhere. He slept at 10 minute intervals. If we were lucky he would sleep 2 hours tops. I spent the majority of my days in tears, stressed, and seriously contemplating if I was really going to be a good mother. I felt very inadequate.

I still wonder about how I’m doing as a mother, but I take a lot more into consideration. For example: I didn’t die in the May 22nd tornado because I wanted to bring Bouncy Buns into the world. I fought to keep him alive when he shouldn’t have been but here he is.

I’m getting all teary eyed.  I can’t believe in a little over 2 months it will be the one year anniversary of the tornado. I really wish I had more time to heal from what really happened.  Tomorrow I have another battle with anxiety.

Tomorrow we have severe storms with tornado potential.  Just writing that last sentence makes me sick to my stomach. Since starting my PSTD therapy I’ve been dreaming of dying almost every night, and tornado dreams keep reoccurring. Those are the worst.  What makes tomorrow even more scarier for me is how I’m going to be alone for most of it. That’s right. Alone. Reavera happens to be working while it’s going to get bad. Lovely.

I can’t help but feel like a failure again.  I’m suppose to stay calm in situations for my son. How can I do that? Will I EVER be able to do that?

Maybe if I’m lucky my parents will come up and stay with me for a few hours or even better maybe the storms won’t reach severe limits.

When I was a little girl I always wanted to be a meteorologist. I don’t like to brag about this but I know quite a bit more about the weather than I should. I use to want to be a storm chaser. When it stormed I would go outside and watch it until it get severe…. then I would get nervous. Right before the May 22ndt tornado I was where I could really respect the mother nature.

Not anymore. I’m too afraid to. The weather holds me hostage.

I guess that’s why I’m in therapy, right guys?

Product Review: Birthday Cake Oreos

14 Mar

Hi all. I’m feeling a little bit better. It seems like the plague has hit my whole house. So far Bouncy Buns has not contracted what we got. I hope not. Reavera and I are MISERABLE. I felt good enough to go to my PSTD Therapy today. We are starting what my therapist calls “exposure” treatment. I’m suppose to write, not type, how the May 22nd EF5 tornado impacted me. We’ll see how that goes. Everyone around me is saying the Wellbutrin has completely changed me for the best. I do see an improvement in my mood and I’m able to cope with my son alone better. It still gets to me that I am one of those medicated moms. Society looks down on us for needing that type of help. Luckily I have a group of girls online that I consider my support network. I’m hoping to find more mother’s or father’s out there who are in the same boat as I am.

When I get the chance I need to take new video of Bouncy Buns. He’s starting to blow bubbles!  That may not seem much to some of you but to me that is amazing. He’s went from crying, pooping, sleeping, rinse, repeat to blowing bubbles, cooing, smiling, pooping, sleeping, rinse, repeat.

Anyways ONTO the Product Review. I realize that since I’m new to the Mommy Blog world no one is going to come up to me and ask me to review their product. I have major interest in doing that on my blog so I figured why not review some of the stuff I have in my house? What better way to kick things off with the Birthday Cake Oreos!

Birthday Cake Oreo Packaging.

Birthday Cake Oreos. Limited Edition

The Birthday Cake Oreo is a limited edition cookie that celebrates Oreo’s 100th birthday. I need to make a confession. When I saw these in my local grocery store I was kind of perplexed. How could a birthday cake flavor mix with the chocolate flavor of the Oreo? When I went back to the store the next day they were all gone. All over my Facebook feed were friends clamoring over delicious these cookies were. I made it a mission to find them. Were these cookies really that good? Two weeks later they were back in my local grocery stores. I almost have given up hope. Victory is mine!

There's a surprise on the back..

When you look at the Birthday Cake Oreo it is your typical Oreo design which has been used since 1952. When you flip the cookie over there’s a surprise..

Happy Birthday Oreo!

If you’re unable to see the picture the other side of the Oreo has a single candle in the middle with the text “OREO 100”. I believe the design around the text is suppose to represent frosting design of a cake. It would have been nice to have the design on both sides from a design standpoint but I’m not complaining.

Front/Side/Back/Whatever you want to call it aside let’s talk about the most interesting part of these little bad boys. You know what I’m talking about: The mysterious birthday cake filling.

Can birthday cake and chocolate really mix?

This picture does not do it justice. If you’ve ever paid attention to the inside of an Oreo cookie the filling is fairly thick. That can make it difficult to pull apart for those of us who like to open the oreo, lick the filling, then eat the cookie. Most of the time they usually break. Not this cookie. I was able to pull it apart easily. The color of this filling is more of an off color white compared to the white filling of a regular Oreo. Now comes the test. What exactly does the filling taste like? Could Oreo really pull this off?

Look at all the color.

The aroma of the filling reminded me of a birthday cake covered in buttercream frosting. Questions, and prejudice aside I took a taste.

It was amazing. I think my tongue died and went to cookie heaven. 

It tastes exactly like a birthday cake. I was expecting the taste to be overwhelming but it was not. It was just the right amount of birthday cake goodness. I was also delighted to see the extra sprinkles when I licked. The filling was a lot more creamier than a regular Oreo. This Oreo was made for us who eat the filling first! I just know it. But what about eating the cookie whole. Can birthday cake and chocolate really go good together?

The mystery is solved.

The answer? Absolutely! The combination is perfect. It’s like it was always meant to be. It wasn’t overly sweet together. The chocolate was in complete harmony with the birthday cake filling.

So how did these cookies go over with my family? Unfortunately my stepson was sick so he couldn’ try them but my husband loved them. As my stepson is an Oreo fan as well I am very sure these will go over nicely with them. That is if they’re not gone again before I can get some more. My package of Birthday Cake Oreos only lasted a couple of days.

Be warned: They are that addicting.

It saddens me they are only limited edition. Maybe one day they will come out permanently. If Oreo could change one thing it would be to match the consistency of their filling in this flavor with their regular flavors. I enjoyed the creamier, softer consistency of the birthday cake filling. I hope there are other Oreo cookie eaters, like me, who agree.

I’ve learned my lesson: Don’t judge a cookie by it’s filling.

Want to check out more from Oreo? You can visit their Facebook page here and their website here.  You can follow them on Twitter at @Oreo

Double Blog Goodness.

12 Mar