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A Peak Into the Life of a Lazy Stay at Home Mom.

25 Mar

Before anyone says there is a grammar fail on my part – the use of peak rather than peek was intentional!

Well yesterday was a complete let down. I was unable to get pictures of my stepson’s birthday party to share with everyone. I am so sorry everyone.  My stepson absolutely loved the birthday cake which is the most important thing to me even when comments were made of “expecting a better cake.”

I need to give a shout out to all stepmothers and stepfathers out there. Blended families are tough. I take that back. They are really really tough. Yesterday was proof again how hard it is to be a stepmother. Why can’t things be left alone: especially at a birthday party?  It’s days like yesterday which make me grateful for all of my family and friends who care for me.

I’m only going to say one last thing from yesterday then I’m done airing dirty laundry and moving on. I’m a stay at home mom. I intend to stay a stay at home mom. I like to blog. Its what I do with my free time. I have NOTHING against other moms who work full or part time. I don’t shove it in anyone’s face that I’m a stay at home mom and I really don’t like being told I need to get a “real job because blogging is silly.”  Being a stay at home mom doesn’t mean a woman is lazy. Likewise being a work at home mom doesn’t mean you don’t care about your child. Every mom is a mom regardless of how they do it.

Anyways…. as the old saying goes “Onward and Upward!” That is a saying, right?

My son is still really grumpy. The last time he was this angry was when his reflux was not diagnosed yet. The upside is that he’s not shrieking or throwing up. That’s a plus. I wonder why he’s so grumpy. He is 12 weeks old so he might be growth spurting, but at the same time he’s been a huge drool bucket & gnawing on his hands so it might be teething. No one has really explained what to look for with teething, and because he was so upset for both of his earlier growth spurts I don’t know what to look for.  I’ll probably call his pediatrician tomorrow.

I’ve started to contact companies to see if they want to send product samples so I can review them. Six companies so far and no leads yet. It’s going to be an uphill battle but I’m up for the challenge. I really want to do giveaways and product reviews. Someone will eventually say yes I hope!

Even though I don’t have any cute pictures from yesterday I’m going to end today’s blog with something just as cute. I need it.

I guess my cat’s love my son’s Graco stroller as much as I do.

The Elephant in the Room

22 Mar

I need to get this off my chest.

My pregnancy: I hated it. It was one of the worst times in my life. I was miserable, sick, I ended up almost dying because of a stupid tornado, my labor was horrid, and the first week postpartum felt like hell.

I’m dedicating today as a confessional. If you are a family member or friend that may be easily offended I’d recommend not reading.

Confession #1 – I dreaded having a boy when I found out the gender. I just knew Bouncy Buns was going to be Emma. I was carrying high, his heartbeat was fast, and friends just knew it was going to be a girl. I hoped to be apart of Team Pink. I wanted to go shopping together, play dress up, collect dolls, and cover our home with pink & glitter. Well.. we know how that went. I spent a month after I found out the gender crying. When I saw little boys I thought of “misbehaving”, “attitudes” and only wanting to play video games & watch TV. It doesn’t help when The Pickle can come over he’s a very reserved little guy – he likes to keep to himself & only play video games (which there’s nothing wrong with him being reserved. At the time my emotions were out of control). Even to this day I feel awkward around The Pickle because he’s a boy. What do I do with a boy who’s already set on what he wants to do and doesn’t want to hear from some woman who’s entered his father’s life? My dreams of having someone I could relate to faded away. As the months went on I finally accepted that my dreams of a girl would have to be reserved for next time. When I look back now I realized my feelings were natural. My son means the world to me.  He is so much fun. I can’t wait until he gets older. I might not be able to do the dress up or go shopping together but I’m going to try to do lots of arts & crafts with him.

Confession #2 – I was upset people who said they were going to visit me didn’t. I get it now that life happens, but it really hurt me at the time. When we ended up finally getting our own place again after the tornado I had so many friends who said they would visit me. Out of all of them I only had two people do so. Only two. Only one person outside of my parents visited me after Wiggle Man was born. Just one. Let me be frank: My viewers and friends online have seen more of my son than people I know close. Oh well. I hope I can make local friends soon or even better maybe the ones who I care for my visit. It’s just a thought.

Confession #3 –  I’m really irritated at the people who told me I was going to get gestational diabetes. I had multiple people in my life tell me I was “destined” to have gestational diabetes because of my size. I won’t deny that I’m a plus size girl. I want to be healthier but I appreciate my curves. Not every plus size girl develops gestational diabetes, and not every “skinny” girl doesn’t have to worry about getting it. Gestational diabetes happens because your baby’s placenta is making your pancreas overwork. It doesn’t mean your diabetic. For the record the people who told me I was going to get it: Yeah, you’re right I DID get it. But guess what? I’m a lot healthier now than what I was before I was pregnant. I consider gestational diabetes as a blessing as much as I hated having it.

Confession #4 – I regret not being able to breastfeed. This regret is only because of personal choice not because I think one is better than another. Nothing went right with my pregnancy. I had complication after complication.  All that I asked to go right was for me to be able to breastfeed. Did that get to happen? No. The odds were against me. There are people in my life who told me I wouldn’t be able to do it. I even had a nurse while I had my stay in the hospital tell me it’s going to be too difficult for me to be able to breastfeed because I have large breasts. I asked for a lactation consult to help me, and I was ignored. The icing on the cake of it all: My son was taken away from me during one night of my hospital stay and fed formula by the nurses without my permission. The answer I got back when I complained: He was getting formula when using the nipple shield anyways. That wasn’t the point. I wanted to have that bond with him. It was all downhill from there when I ended up with an epidural headache. I could not lift my head up without being in excruciating pain which left me not being able to pump, or breastfeed. I get my son is healthy and happy on formula.  My biggest let down from the entire situation is I felt like I gave up. I’m disappointed in myself. I never had maternity photos,  newborn photos, a nursery for him, or even a baby shower. I at least wanted to give him nutrition from what my breasts were meant to do. I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore because of not being able to breastfeed which is good.  I understand it’s the past now. My son is a happy healthy chunky baby.

Confession #5 – I hate being considered one of those moms who need medicine to function. I was forced to go and get help by my family. I was so overwhelmed with being a mother, and the aftermath of everything going wrong I was trying to find a way out. Nothing went right, I wasn’t getting any sleep and I felt so inadequate as a mother. If I didn’t have the support I did I probably would have died.  The Wellbutrin is helping me be able to focus again.  I can look back at what I was doing and realize it wasn’t right. I only hope one day I can be weaned off of anti-depressants.  I don’t like having to need help feeling better. Why can’t I do it on my own?

Confession #6 – I should have never let myself be talked into getting an epidural. Again, this is a personal choice. I stand neutral between those who are for and those who are against them.  I was in labor for 21-22 hours before I finally gave in and had an epidural. Did I mention my labor included pitocin and magnesium sulfate? My original plan was to have an IV of pain killers. My OB, my husband, and a nurse told me it was silly to not have an epidural because I was afraid of side effects. They all said I would feel better. It took multiple attempts to get the epidural in. One of those times a blood vessel was hit. Another time they hit nerves that hit my legs. The epidural may have made my labor progress rather quickly but if I knew what I was going to go through I wouldn’t do it.

I’ve been holding those confessions back for a very long time. I really hope I’m not alone in thinking some of the things I do. If I am, however, I won’t be hurt.  If anyone relates or felt like they had a horrible pregnancy I’d love for you to take the time & reply.

Now on a different note – I reached 100 views for Wednesday & 200 Twitter followers yesterday!  Hurray! Thank you everyone for reading my blog. I am in the works in getting product reviews & giveaways started (in other words I’m contacting companies in hopes they won’t think I’m crazy for wanting to review their products because I have a small viewer base at the moment). If anyone had some suggestions of some companies they would love for me to review let me know.

 

From Newborn to Infant

20 Mar

My son is 12 weeks old this week! He has graduated from a sleeping-crying-puking-screaming-eating-puking-crying newborn to a sleeping-smiling-crying-smiling-somewhat talking back infant.Time is really flying by. It just seems like yesterday I was unsure when I was having my son because my blood pressure was going through the roof. I’ve been phantom kicks again lately so I don’t think that helps. I heard those are pretty common though. Don’t get me wrong. I loved that I was able to give birth to my son but to be blunt: My pregnancy was too stressful and riddled with complications. My pregnancy was so traumatizing to me I don’t know if I want to get pregnant again.

I just realized my son may possibly start with some solids next month. At our WIC they decrease the amount of formula with rice cereal at 4 months, and then they decrease the amount even more & add rice cereal & baby food. What if my child is not ready by next month to start rice cereal? Maybe I’m paranoid. I look at other babies and they’re milestones then I look at mine. Every baby develops at their own pace, right?  I hope my PPD didn’t hinder his development.

Ahem.

Anyways this is a short blog tonight.  I’ve noticed I’ve got quite a few new viewers reading my blog! Welcome to my lovely corner on the internet. I hope you stick around, at least until tomorrow, because I’ll be posting more freebies on Fabulous Freebie Wednesday! Why don’t you check out last week’s list?

I leave you tonight with Penguins.  Seriously. Penguins.

My Little Chatter Box

19 Mar

 

Full blog with a site review coming up later tonight. Until then watch this cute video I was able to snatch of Bouncy Buns today!

We have a hostage situation, folks.

18 Mar

Bouncy Buns was very clingy today.

In fact, he was SO clingy he demanded to be coddled. Any time he was set down he’d cry. When I made any attempt to talk with him instead of the smiles & coos I usually get I was treated to dirty looks & raised eyebrows.  He also decided he wanted to eat every hour.

My name is Desiree and I survived being held hostage by an 11 week old baby from 9:00AM until 5:00PM.  It’s 8:00PM and he finally fell asleep about an hour ago. THANK GOODNESS. It is days like these where I usually end up crying my eyes out because I can’t comfort him. Thanks to the Wellbutrin, however, I can handle the situation a little bit better. You should have seen me before the Wellbutrin. Before we figured out Bouncy Buns had reflux he would cry all day, shriek through every feeding, then proceed to throw up everywhere. He slept at 10 minute intervals. If we were lucky he would sleep 2 hours tops. I spent the majority of my days in tears, stressed, and seriously contemplating if I was really going to be a good mother. I felt very inadequate.

I still wonder about how I’m doing as a mother, but I take a lot more into consideration. For example: I didn’t die in the May 22nd tornado because I wanted to bring Bouncy Buns into the world. I fought to keep him alive when he shouldn’t have been but here he is.

I’m getting all teary eyed.  I can’t believe in a little over 2 months it will be the one year anniversary of the tornado. I really wish I had more time to heal from what really happened.  Tomorrow I have another battle with anxiety.

Tomorrow we have severe storms with tornado potential.  Just writing that last sentence makes me sick to my stomach. Since starting my PSTD therapy I’ve been dreaming of dying almost every night, and tornado dreams keep reoccurring. Those are the worst.  What makes tomorrow even more scarier for me is how I’m going to be alone for most of it. That’s right. Alone. Reavera happens to be working while it’s going to get bad. Lovely.

I can’t help but feel like a failure again.  I’m suppose to stay calm in situations for my son. How can I do that? Will I EVER be able to do that?

Maybe if I’m lucky my parents will come up and stay with me for a few hours or even better maybe the storms won’t reach severe limits.

When I was a little girl I always wanted to be a meteorologist. I don’t like to brag about this but I know quite a bit more about the weather than I should. I use to want to be a storm chaser. When it stormed I would go outside and watch it until it get severe…. then I would get nervous. Right before the May 22ndt tornado I was where I could really respect the mother nature.

Not anymore. I’m too afraid to. The weather holds me hostage.

I guess that’s why I’m in therapy, right guys?

Cupcakes and Babies oh my.

15 Mar

Happy Thursday everyone. I think my body is finally getting rid of whatever plagued us this past week.  Maybe if I’m lucky I can begin to completely de-germ the house soon.

I want to take the time to thank everyone who checked out my Birthday Cake Oreo Review. I am very happy that my review reached out to so many people yesterday. I hope my review will continue to reach others who are interested in those little cookies.  I will be doing another product review either later on today or tomorrow. I really writing product reviews. Make sure you come back on Wednesdays, going forward, for Freebie Wednesday. I’ve been a freebie fanatic for the last couple of years. My family is surprised how many things I have gotten in the mail for free. Now I want to share that with all of you.

This past week I have been finding myself as a mommy blogger. It is a scary world out there. I am happy to say I have over 100 twitter followers now (go me!).  I know I am very small in comparison however Rome was not built in one day. The fact I had over 80 page views yesterday amazes me. So for you all who are coming to my blog, and hopefully returning I have some good news for you.

I will be doing a complete overhaul of my blog in the next week. Expect more content available, a header image, and images to go with my Freebie Wednesday.

I haven’t been this truly happy in so long.  It’s nice being able to find myself again and make my own mark in the world since being pregnant & becoming a mother.

Big big boy. ♥

Look at how adorable Bouncy Buns is! He is in his first non-onsie outfit for spring. This is outfit I’m going to be taking him in when we go to his brother’s birthday party next week.  He’s going to be 12 weeks old next week. He will officially be an “infant” rather than “newborn.” Jeez it seems like just yesterday it was almost Christmas.

I saw the coolest thing on the internet today. Apparently it’s been abuzz for the last week. It is an “Automatic Cupcake Machine.”

How nifty is that? I’d love to be able to go to a vending machine & pick up a fresh cupcake.  The ACM is available 24 hours a day. Unfortunately it’s the only one of its kind and it’s in LA.

What do you guys think about the Automatic Cupcake Machine? Would you go to one? Do you want one in your town? Do you hate it? Leave some comments below so we can discuss!

Product Review: Birthday Cake Oreos

14 Mar

Hi all. I’m feeling a little bit better. It seems like the plague has hit my whole house. So far Bouncy Buns has not contracted what we got. I hope not. Reavera and I are MISERABLE. I felt good enough to go to my PSTD Therapy today. We are starting what my therapist calls “exposure” treatment. I’m suppose to write, not type, how the May 22nd EF5 tornado impacted me. We’ll see how that goes. Everyone around me is saying the Wellbutrin has completely changed me for the best. I do see an improvement in my mood and I’m able to cope with my son alone better. It still gets to me that I am one of those medicated moms. Society looks down on us for needing that type of help. Luckily I have a group of girls online that I consider my support network. I’m hoping to find more mother’s or father’s out there who are in the same boat as I am.

When I get the chance I need to take new video of Bouncy Buns. He’s starting to blow bubbles!  That may not seem much to some of you but to me that is amazing. He’s went from crying, pooping, sleeping, rinse, repeat to blowing bubbles, cooing, smiling, pooping, sleeping, rinse, repeat.

Anyways ONTO the Product Review. I realize that since I’m new to the Mommy Blog world no one is going to come up to me and ask me to review their product. I have major interest in doing that on my blog so I figured why not review some of the stuff I have in my house? What better way to kick things off with the Birthday Cake Oreos!

Birthday Cake Oreo Packaging.

Birthday Cake Oreos. Limited Edition

The Birthday Cake Oreo is a limited edition cookie that celebrates Oreo’s 100th birthday. I need to make a confession. When I saw these in my local grocery store I was kind of perplexed. How could a birthday cake flavor mix with the chocolate flavor of the Oreo? When I went back to the store the next day they were all gone. All over my Facebook feed were friends clamoring over delicious these cookies were. I made it a mission to find them. Were these cookies really that good? Two weeks later they were back in my local grocery stores. I almost have given up hope. Victory is mine!

There's a surprise on the back..

When you look at the Birthday Cake Oreo it is your typical Oreo design which has been used since 1952. When you flip the cookie over there’s a surprise..

Happy Birthday Oreo!

If you’re unable to see the picture the other side of the Oreo has a single candle in the middle with the text “OREO 100”. I believe the design around the text is suppose to represent frosting design of a cake. It would have been nice to have the design on both sides from a design standpoint but I’m not complaining.

Front/Side/Back/Whatever you want to call it aside let’s talk about the most interesting part of these little bad boys. You know what I’m talking about: The mysterious birthday cake filling.

Can birthday cake and chocolate really mix?

This picture does not do it justice. If you’ve ever paid attention to the inside of an Oreo cookie the filling is fairly thick. That can make it difficult to pull apart for those of us who like to open the oreo, lick the filling, then eat the cookie. Most of the time they usually break. Not this cookie. I was able to pull it apart easily. The color of this filling is more of an off color white compared to the white filling of a regular Oreo. Now comes the test. What exactly does the filling taste like? Could Oreo really pull this off?

Look at all the color.

The aroma of the filling reminded me of a birthday cake covered in buttercream frosting. Questions, and prejudice aside I took a taste.

It was amazing. I think my tongue died and went to cookie heaven. 

It tastes exactly like a birthday cake. I was expecting the taste to be overwhelming but it was not. It was just the right amount of birthday cake goodness. I was also delighted to see the extra sprinkles when I licked. The filling was a lot more creamier than a regular Oreo. This Oreo was made for us who eat the filling first! I just know it. But what about eating the cookie whole. Can birthday cake and chocolate really go good together?

The mystery is solved.

The answer? Absolutely! The combination is perfect. It’s like it was always meant to be. It wasn’t overly sweet together. The chocolate was in complete harmony with the birthday cake filling.

So how did these cookies go over with my family? Unfortunately my stepson was sick so he couldn’ try them but my husband loved them. As my stepson is an Oreo fan as well I am very sure these will go over nicely with them. That is if they’re not gone again before I can get some more. My package of Birthday Cake Oreos only lasted a couple of days.

Be warned: They are that addicting.

It saddens me they are only limited edition. Maybe one day they will come out permanently. If Oreo could change one thing it would be to match the consistency of their filling in this flavor with their regular flavors. I enjoyed the creamier, softer consistency of the birthday cake filling. I hope there are other Oreo cookie eaters, like me, who agree.

I’ve learned my lesson: Don’t judge a cookie by it’s filling.

Want to check out more from Oreo? You can visit their Facebook page here and their website here.  You can follow them on Twitter at @Oreo

Spring has Sprung!

12 Mar

Ok Mother Nature, give up it’s spring. You know what that means? Spring cleaning, tank tops, Easter Bunnies, and well.. allergies for me. Bleh.  I can not wait until Reavera to have a couple days off of work this week so he can help me clean the house. I think there is something I am allergic to in here. I’ve been nothing but coughs, and sniffles today. I’m almost sure of it. Every time I go into the bathroom my tonsils get scratchy.

There’s another thing spring reminds me of and that is Severe Weather. I think I’ll take this time to explain my PSTD. I can’t remember most of what happened when the tornado hit. Before it [the tornado] hit Dillons my ears popped. I know I was on the ground. I know I looked up at Matthew and repeatedly told him I loved him. I know I screamed.  I can’t recall what it was like being underneath where it was. I remember being in water. I remember being cold. I remember telling myself I can’t die that day. I can’t tell you the names of the firefighters, or the man who had the flashlight who was checking on me. I remember Matthew telling me not to give up that he will make sure I get out. I remember the relief I felt after they pulled me out. As of today I can’t go into movie theatres if the movie beside what I’m watching is loud. The sound of a windy day, once pleasant, now scares me. I am sick to my stomach every time there is a thunderstorm. If it heavy in a store that also scares me too. I cry. I wail. Every time it storms I’m afraid that either myself, my husband, my son, or all three of us will die.

This is a pretty touchy subject for me. I feel like a failure of a mother in this aspect. I can’t protect my son now that he’s out of me. I did what I could during the tornado to make sure he didn’t die. Since I’ve started my therapy I’ve began to have nightmares of tornadoes again. I always wake up right when the tornado has picked me up. Talk about a great way to wake up. I’ve been on Wellbutrin for two weeks now. Since I’ve been on it I am noticing I am not checking Weather.gov/Facebook/koamtv.com/Twitter every hour like I have been. I use to love the weather. Any of my close friends who know me knew that I got to where I would go outside to check out the storms. Not anymore.

It will take time. Tornadoes don’t hit in the same place every time, and not every tornado warning is necessarily a tornado. I do pray that the EF5 Tornado I was in May 22nd is the only tornado I will be in.  To this day my friends say I am very strong. I don’t see it. Especially since I’m one of “those mothers” who need medication to function right now.

I guess I am one hot mess after all. I think I’ll post about my PPD within the next day or two. It ties in heavily with my PSTD. That should be a fun one to talk about.

Let’s talk about something more cheerful, shall we?

This is Bouncy Bun’s first spring. My goal is to take him out for a walk everyday when it is nice outside. I also want to make sure I get pictures of him with an Easter Bunny, and I want to get him a cute little outfit. I really wish we had the money available right now to get Easter pictures. Fuck. I wish we had the money available to get pictures period. Maybe someday. Oh and he totally needs a “Kiss Me I’m Irish” type of onesie. His mommy and daddy are European Mutts. That includes Irish somewhere!

Before I go for the day if you’re unaware Gerber issued a recall today in their formula. Thank you Modern Mom for posting this! You can check out the article here:
http://www.modernmom.com/recalls/good-start-gentle-baby-formula

Just another day in the life of motherhood.

11 Mar

Holy time change batman! If you haven’t done so yet you might want to change your clocks 1 hour forward. Unless you’re in an area of the world or the US which doesn’t do that then I consider you lucky. Speaking of time change: Did anyone else feel off today? Like you couldn’t put your finger on it? I always just thought it was only me, but today my husband and a friend of mine told me they also felt off. I don’t see the point in Daylight Savings Time, honestly.  So if you felt off today why don’t you leave a comment below. Maybe we’re not the only crazy people around.

I need to make a confession to you all. Today I had NO CLUE what to talk about. This morning started off with The Pickle being sick so he had to go home early which made Reavera sad. It made me sad as well. My entire meal planning for the day was screwed up. So when Reavera came home I asked him what I should write about. He wanted me to write about Bouncy Bun’s “flying” experience.

Ok. Ok. Before anyone judges me I want to say that I browse the internet for various baby milestones. Bouncy Buns happens to be almost 11 weeks. Woah, 11 weeks already? Anyways. I was reading that around 2.5 months a baby would enjoy flying. In case anyone is interested this is the article:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_lets-play-up-up-and-away-song-of-myself_1498436.bc

I was so excited to show Reavera what I learned on the internet.  We got our son up. I laid on the ground, and put attempted to put Bouncy Buns on my knee to “fly.” Did I end up with a baby all smiles and giggles? I got quite the opposite. My son gave me the strangest look as I “flew” him on my knee. Reavera sat on the couch shaking his head. Next thing I know I am covered in baby puke.

Oh well. Maybe next time. Until then I think I’ll stick to singing “ABCs.”

Brotherly Love

10 Mar

All doom, and gloom aside.. (if anyone is wondering YES I am still bothered. I just need to find peace. I have to.) I want to tell you a story today of two brothers.

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These two brothers are inseparable. Any time Bouncy Buns needs a diaper change his beloved Neko is there… in the good times..
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and the bad times…

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It’s quite funny really. I had talks with Reavera before Wiggleman was born. We were afraid Freya would be completely shy at first, and eventually warm up to Wiggleman while Neko would be too playful and possibly hurt him. When we brought Wiggleman home Freya was very reserved (still is honestly). Neko, on the other hand, decided that this baby was HIS baby. Neko has huge paws with huge claws. Neko has used his claws to well…. You know what. I don’t want to get into that. Ahem. Anyways. Whenever Neko is around Wiggleman he never uses his claws. Never. Wiggle has kicked him, grabbed him, snacked him. You name it so far and Wiggleman has done it.  Neko takes it like a champ.

I wonder if that will change later on.

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I hope not.