Spring has Sprung!

12 Mar

Ok Mother Nature, give up it’s spring. You know what that means? Spring cleaning, tank tops, Easter Bunnies, and well.. allergies for me. Bleh.  I can not wait until Reavera to have a couple days off of work this week so he can help me clean the house. I think there is something I am allergic to in here. I’ve been nothing but coughs, and sniffles today. I’m almost sure of it. Every time I go into the bathroom my tonsils get scratchy.

There’s another thing spring reminds me of and that is Severe Weather. I think I’ll take this time to explain my PSTD. I can’t remember most of what happened when the tornado hit. Before it [the tornado] hit Dillons my ears popped. I know I was on the ground. I know I looked up at Matthew and repeatedly told him I loved him. I know I screamed.  I can’t recall what it was like being underneath where it was. I remember being in water. I remember being cold. I remember telling myself I can’t die that day. I can’t tell you the names of the firefighters, or the man who had the flashlight who was checking on me. I remember Matthew telling me not to give up that he will make sure I get out. I remember the relief I felt after they pulled me out. As of today I can’t go into movie theatres if the movie beside what I’m watching is loud. The sound of a windy day, once pleasant, now scares me. I am sick to my stomach every time there is a thunderstorm. If it heavy in a store that also scares me too. I cry. I wail. Every time it storms I’m afraid that either myself, my husband, my son, or all three of us will die.

This is a pretty touchy subject for me. I feel like a failure of a mother in this aspect. I can’t protect my son now that he’s out of me. I did what I could during the tornado to make sure he didn’t die. Since I’ve started my therapy I’ve began to have nightmares of tornadoes again. I always wake up right when the tornado has picked me up. Talk about a great way to wake up. I’ve been on Wellbutrin for two weeks now. Since I’ve been on it I am noticing I am not checking Weather.gov/Facebook/koamtv.com/Twitter every hour like I have been. I use to love the weather. Any of my close friends who know me knew that I got to where I would go outside to check out the storms. Not anymore.

It will take time. Tornadoes don’t hit in the same place every time, and not every tornado warning is necessarily a tornado. I do pray that the EF5 Tornado I was in May 22nd is the only tornado I will be in.  To this day my friends say I am very strong. I don’t see it. Especially since I’m one of “those mothers” who need medication to function right now.

I guess I am one hot mess after all. I think I’ll post about my PPD within the next day or two. It ties in heavily with my PSTD. That should be a fun one to talk about.

Let’s talk about something more cheerful, shall we?

This is Bouncy Bun’s first spring. My goal is to take him out for a walk everyday when it is nice outside. I also want to make sure I get pictures of him with an Easter Bunny, and I want to get him a cute little outfit. I really wish we had the money available right now to get Easter pictures. Fuck. I wish we had the money available to get pictures period. Maybe someday. Oh and he totally needs a “Kiss Me I’m Irish” type of onesie. His mommy and daddy are European Mutts. That includes Irish somewhere!

Before I go for the day if you’re unaware Gerber issued a recall today in their formula. Thank you Modern Mom for posting this! You can check out the article here:
http://www.modernmom.com/recalls/good-start-gentle-baby-formula

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