Who is that in the mirror?

6 Mar

As you can tell.. I’ve done quite a bit of house cleaning here. Unless this is your first time here then carry on.

I’m having a fairly decent day which is somewhat weird to me. I can’t remember a time where I really felt O.K. I wonder if Wellbutrin is starting to work? I hope it will be soon. I don’t really care for the ringing in my ears, the dizziness, and the nausea. That reminds me – The crazy lady is doing better. She hasn’t had a panic attack today. Hurray!

There’s something I want to get off my chest. I want to say it publicly.

I hate my body. I don’t like the skin I’m in. I’m disgusted looking in the mirror.

I’m huge. No seriously. I am HUGE. In today’s standards I am considered “obese.” I don’t like to share this with a lot of people, but it needs to be said. The highest wait I was, after the tornado, was 315lbs. I lost weight because of Gestational Diabetes. I lost even more weight after I gave birth to Wiggle man.  I’m now down to 250lbs. I don’t know where this weight really came from. A few years back I weighed 220lbs. Then I got on Phentermine (worst decision ever). I went down to 198. Then I got into an injury and stopped taking it. I just kept gaining weight.

Food has been my comfort.  I’ve always focused on food. It’s been my friend when I haven’t had any. Then I developed Gestational Diabetes – Oh and before I go any further ANYONE CAN DEVELOP IT. Don’t be all like “lol it’s because you’re fat.” I know quite a few women who developed it that were perfectly healthy.

Not anymore. I’m done with this shit.  I want to be a better role model for my son. This is where I think my meal planning will really come in. To this day I have still been following the GD Diet, albeit loosely, with almost every meal. With the meal planning I can follow it even more.

Goodbye ugly body. I’ll keep my curves but some of this fat needs to go!  This time I’m not going to worry about a number. I want to get to where I’m happy. After all that’s what it’s all about right?

Before I go – Remember the Facebook Parenting video that went viral earlier in February? Well the father and daughter are going to be on The Today Show tomorrow. It should be interesting. If you haven’t seen it here’s the video:

One Response to “Who is that in the mirror?”

  1. Amy March 7, 2012 at 12:19 am #

    Hi There, I know exactly how you feel. I too have postnatal depression and also had GD throughout my pregnancy and only found out last week after having the glucose tolerance test that I don’t have type 2 diabetes – thankfully. I was lucky enough after my horrible delivery to lose about 5 kilos. However still not happy with my body – stretch marks and loose skin makes me feel disgusted every time I look at myself. How can my partner still find me attractive? – God only knows. Oh well, heres to trying to stay healthy and keeping the weight off.

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