Will I ever be the same again?

29 Feb
Last night was certainly interesting indeed.I’m going to apologize if any of this not coherent. I’m running on a lack of sleep. Coffee is imminent.

We had a round of severe weather coming towards where I live now. After the May 22nd Tornado I no longer felt safe there, and we relocated to a community about 35 miles away. Since the tornado any time there are storms I keep a tab open on TornadoVideos.Net , The National Weather Service, my local station’s interactive radar, and on Facebook. My husband and my family both think I shouldn’t worry so much. I will admit. It’s rather tiring. Maybe that’s why I’m in therapy for PSTD. Heh. Anyways. Things started to get bad, at least on radar. Luckily I have a wonderful next door neighbor who will let us use her basement. Right before the storm got close to our city I started to notice rotation. I had a completely meltdown, and then begged asked my husband if we can go to the neighbors. After calling my mom, and waiting a couple more minutes I was able to convince my husband to let us all go to the neighbors. We ran into her house, baby carrier and all. I managed to run into a tree which resulted in me losing my glasses.  When we got in the electricity flickered. It eventually went out. By the time I was able to get myself and Wiggleman down into the basement the sirens went off. I had a complete relapse of the panic I felt back in May. I had my Husband beside me, Wiggleman in my arms, and I was on the phone talking to my mom. We stayed down there until the tornado warning expired at 11:15PM. The sirens actually stopped 10 minutes before the warning expired but I was not going to take my chances.  I was so proud of Wiggleman. He slept the entire time. We ended up staying at the neighbors house until the a little after midnight, and then walked back to our duplex. Our power was off until around 1:00-2:00AM.  I eventually got myself to fall asleep around 4:00-5:00AM. Wiggleman decided he wanted to wake up at 7:00AM. I’m pretty tired today, but it’s all worth it because our home was not damaged. Some other parts of community were less fortunate.

 Matthew gave me relief from Wiggleman for me to make a quick run to the grocery store. I decided to go down and look at the damage. I wanted to see if there was anything I could to do help. Tons of trees snapped in half, uprooted, and structural damage.  For some reason I’m not phased by the damage. I guess it’s because of what I endured in May.

There’s just one thing that’s bothering me. It’s literally eating me alive today. Soo.. here we go..

Is it going to be like this every time a storm rolls through this year? Maybe it’s a combination of PSTD, Anxiety, and wanting to take care of my son…. but I don’t want to die. I don’t want my son to die. I don’t want any of us hurt. I hate feeling like every storm we have may be a life or death situation. I keep telling myself May22nd was a one time occurring.  As much as I appreciate Mother’s Nature’s fury I despise that we, as humans, are so vulnerable to the worst that can happen. Luckily there were no serious injuries or deaths in my area… however I read about a man elsewhere in last night’s tornado outbreak that was in serious condition. His house collapsed on him. I cried last night. I hope he isn’t dead.  My next therapy session should be interesting.

Last night was another reminder to appreciate each and every day I have on earth. Life is way too short. I only have one victory last night and that was I didn’t have a complete meltdown during the storm, or afterwards. I’m actually HAPPY. Only a couple hours of sleep and happy? Weeeeird. I wonder if it’s my Wellbutrin starting to kick in, or I am finally starting to find some peace.  I wish my Freya would start to be herself again. Since the May 22 Tornado she has really changed. Last night didn’t help. She wouldn’t come out of hiding for a couple of hours.

Anyways I’m off to find some coffee, and maybe make some dinner. I plan on making this tonight:

Have I ever mentioned I LOVE Pinterest? The recipe comes from the blog Just a Spoonful Of. 

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